Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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