how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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