but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
