I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
