I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
