he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
