i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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