but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
