I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
