party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
