The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
