i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
