so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
