if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
