i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
