so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
