I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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