we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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