Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
