it's too hot outside to masturbate.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
