i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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