this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
