Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
