don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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