the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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