I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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