Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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