I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
