Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
