Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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