its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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