Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
