Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
