Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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