i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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