its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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