just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
