Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
