he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
