So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
