Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
