The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If that was your dad, he is hot
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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