i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
