I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
