dude i'm inner monologue high
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
