if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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