So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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