I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
