Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
