In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
bring money and cleavage
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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