i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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