god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
