I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
