Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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